Something is off. You can’t put your finger on it but you feel it in your gut that something is different. They aren’t acting normal, their routine patterns have suddenly changed. Should you be concerned about their abrupt change in behavior? AskReddit offers many suggestions provided by their readers; https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/12z02i5/what_are_the_first_signs_your_partner_is_cheating/.
However even after seeing all the signs, you may not be convinced and find yourself feeling paranoid. You begin to wonder, “Is this all in my head?” Short of actually catching the person in the act, you may need several clues to determine if you have a legitimate concern.
According to LaTonya P Washington, LICSW there are several ways you can decide if your spouse is cheating. She provided 19 signs that may suggest insight into your partners behavior, but they are not sure fire proof of infidelity.
- Drastic Changes in Mood
While change is inevitable, drastic changes in mood can foretell trouble in relationships. If your partner is someone who is usually relaxed or laid back and suddenly becomes uptight, withdrawn, on edge, or easily agitated, it could be a sign that they are hiding something.
- Increased Stress
If your partner appears stressed or anxious all the time, it could be a sign that they are hiding something. This is especially true if they provide vague reasons for their stress, or if they seem more stressed when they are around you.
- Changes in Behavior
Drastic changes in behavior can be a sign of infidelity. Perhaps, your partner has suddenly gone from being sedentary to going to the gym daily. While change and growth are normal, major changes in a short period of time–especially changes that make your partner more appealing to others–can indicate that something deeper is going on.
- Major Changes in Routine
After being with your significant other for a period of time, you get to know their routine and have a sense of what a normal day looks like for them. It is important to note that changes in routine are to be expected and can be healthy. Yet, if your partner has made a major departure from their normal routine with little to no communication or explanation, it could be cause for concern.
Some routine changes to look out for include:
Working longer or later hours
Changing the way they dress for work
Having meetings after work over drinks or dinner
Taking up another job
Making new friendships that take up a significant amount of their time and energy
- Secrecy
Secrecy is the primary and most powerful aspect of infidelity; not only is it one of the defining aspects of an affair, but it can also amplify the excitement about the affair. They may be secretive about where they are, the people they are with, or what their plans are, usually by lying or avoiding direct questions about certain people. Secrecy is a common sign that your partner is hiding something or someone from you.
- Significant Changes in Communication
If you and your partner typically have healthy communication in your relationship but they suddenly become quiet, it could be something to worry about. Maybe your partner has expressed that they have unmet needs or desires, and as a result of feeling unheard or ignored, has shut down. Perhaps your partner usually talks to you about their day at work, but suddenly responds with one or two words when you attempt to inquire about it.
These significant changes and lack of communication could mean that they are now sharing those details with someone else, or that there is something they don’t want to lie about or disclose to you. Conversely, it could mean that your partner is experiencing frustration regarding unresolved issues and being distant as a result.
- Changes in Sexual Desire
Sexual desire or drive can be impacted by physical health, physiological changes, changes in hormone levels, people’s mental state, and the emotional health of our relationships. Your partner could be experiencing a physiological change, but their increased or decreased sex drive could be a result of infidelity.
Some examples of changes in sexual desire include:
A partner who once had a high sex drive but is no longer interested in sex with you could be getting their needs met outside of your relationship
A partner who has not ordinarily had a high sex drive or interest in sex is suddenly expressing the desire to experiment or try new things can in the bedroom could be being inspired by an affair
A partner expressing increased interest in having sex with you could be trying to prevent you from suspecting that they are being unfaithful
- They Lie to You
Unfaithful partners usually lie about how they spend their time, their money, who they are talking to on the phone, or where they have been. For instance, they may say that they are having to work longer hours, weekends, evenings, or travel for work more often to cover for an affair.
They may also lie by omission, opting to share general details or omitting events and people from stories altogether. They may be unwilling to discuss certain information that they use to discuss openly, such as details about their day at work, time spent with friends, or travel.
- Secret Friendships
If you catch your partner maintaining a friendship with someone you’re uncomfortable with, such as someone they have dated, been intimate with, or had a romantic interest in the past, it could be a warning sign that they are being unfaithful. This can also include spending private time with a mutual friend, or hiding new friends from their partner.
- They’re Spending Money on Someone Else
When a partner is cheating, it is not uncommon to find receipts for meals for two, a hotel room, a fancy gift, or flowers for someone other than you. In some instances, partners may notice a discrepancy in their finances, such as large withdrawals of money from a bank account, or evidence of payments for cars or properties that they do not own.
- Decreased Sexual Intimacy
If there is a sudden decrease in sexual intimacy that cannot be explained by age, physiological/health reasons, psychological/emotional factors (i.e., depression, anxiety), or significant changes (i.e., having a baby or losing a loved one), your partner could have found other ways to meet their needs.
These partners may frequently make excuses, such as feeling too tired, having a headache, having a backache, or being too stressed, but refuse to take measures to resolve such issues. They also seem disinterested or unwilling to explore alternative options for ensuring their partner’s needs are met.
- Loss of Interest in Partner
Curiosity is a must for maintaining eroticism in our relationship–it isn’t solely about sex, but also about maintaining the qualities that make feel us feel alive, adventurous, and playful. When someone is cheating, they often begin to detach and disengage from their partner. For instance, they may become emotionally unavailable, no longer express interest in your world, and fail to ask questions about your day, how you are feeling mentally/emotionally, and your desires. In some cases, they may also stop expressing curiosity about your hopes, aspirations, or dreams, and resist making plans for the future.
- Lack of Availability
Your partner may always be busy, unable to answer their phone, or just not available for you as they once were. For instance, a partner who used to be intentional about calling on their way to work or during a break in their day may consistently fail to do so with little or no explanation. They may also make excuses to stop attending family functions, social events, or going on dates. They may also refuse to make plans in advance; for example, they may refuse to plan an anniversary trip.
- Loss of Romance
Often, when there is infidelity in a relationship, one partner is not as interested in the other. This can lead to a loss of romantic feelings towards that person, which can manifest in many ways, including no longer celebrating special occasions, going out on dates, verbally expressing their love, or showing affection, among others. When confronted about the lack of romance the unfaithful partner may not be receptive or fail to make any changes to their behavior. For instance, you may express that you would like them to spend quality time with you, plan a date night, or simply kiss you more to which they may verbally agree to but fail to follow through with. Or they may respond to your request but in ways that demonstrate frustration, disinterest or even resentment for having to do so.
- They Gaslight You
When confronted with evidence of cheating, your partner may lash out by calling you crazy, suggesting you are seeing things wrong, invalidating your feelings, or making you question your reality. For example, a cheating partner who is overheard making plans with their lover may suggest their spouse was just hearing things, or they may redirect the conversation to your behavior and attempt to make you feel guilty for violating their privacy, not trusting them, or being paranoid.
- Projection
The guilty partner may accuse their significant other of cheating, lying or hiding things, otherwise known as projection. This is a defense mechanism, usually employed when someone feels attacked or accused of something. For example, if you confront them about being secretive about who they are talking to after hearing them whisper on the phone, they may reply with, “You’re always whispering when you’re on the phone with your best friend. Maybe you are talking to someone else, making plans you don’t want me to know about.”
- They Disappear
If your partner is usually open about their whereabouts but suddenly becomes unaccounted for, it could be a sign that something is wrong. For example, your partner may tell you they’re going to a store 10 minutes away, but return home an hour later with no items. Moreover, if your partner begins staying out late without communicating–or worse, if your partner does not come home some nights without discussing it with you beforehand–this could indicate infidelity.
- They Complain About You
If complains about you longer being attractive, not meeting their needs emotionally, mentally, or sexually, or “nagging,” it could indicate that they are unhappy in their relationship and are communicating this in an unhealthy, hurtful way. Often, it may feel as though you are not good enough no matter how hard you try to anticipate and fill all the needs of your partner who remains ungrateful.
Your partner may also try to complain about you by constantly comparing you to others. For example, your partner may compare you with the partner of someone else you know citing how this person is more attractive, fit, intelligent, or successful, and suggesting that you could be too if you just tried harder.
- They’re Overprotective of Electronic Devices
The unfaithful partner is often overly protective of cell phones, tablets, or other electronic devices. For instance, they may hold their phone at an angle to prevent you from seeing who they are communicating with, or they may place their phone face down when you are near. They may also place a pin or code on their phone abruptly when they have never used one before.
Additionally, they may sneak away to talk or text privately and abruptly end conversations when you enter the room. Or they may get calls or messages late at night or early in the morning when they never have before. Conversely, they may keep their phone on silent so you never hear any notification alerts.
If after reviewing these signs you still feel you have a legitimate concern, it may be time to contact a private detective. Here at Specialty Private Investigators Inc., we work with many concerned parties and discuss ways we are able to help them find peace of mind.
Call Specialty Private Investigators, Inc., today to find out more 412-650-8550.